From Amy:
“And so it looks like we’ll have Sarah home with us in time for Christmas!”…
Those were the words that opened the floodgates. That and the sheer excitement in her voice that could only be understood by a mother getting ready to meet her child for the first time in a country far away. A mother who has waited what seems like forever and missed out on all the typical “firsts” (cry, smile, step, tooth, etc.) was finally going to be united with her child. And you could just hear the longing expectation in her voice and the hope of what was to come. The love was already there.
The lady she was with listened politely and responded as appropriately as she could…“That’s great.” But clearly she did not “get it.” Perhaps her own fears prevented her from fully sharing in the joy of it all. But it didn’t matter. The little mother-to-be with a daughter waiting in China was thrilled to share the news of her child’s birth into their family. Nothing could dampen her joy – she was beaming.
So I grabbed my coffee and rushed out of Starbucks before the tears poured. It was so unexpected. For the past few weeks I have not really allowed myself to begin connecting with the reality of a child. I’ve been fully focused on the process and the paperwork, but resisting any expectations or emotions…almost like I was hiding behind a wall to protect myself from heartbreak…just in case the whole thing fell through somehow. I guess infertility has me well-trained to not get my hopes up. The idea of an actual child – a person – a girl with a name. Wow. And it hit me. My child has a name, too.
“And so it looks like we’ll have Sarah home with us in time for Christmas!”…
Those were the words that opened the floodgates. That and the sheer excitement in her voice that could only be understood by a mother getting ready to meet her child for the first time in a country far away. A mother who has waited what seems like forever and missed out on all the typical “firsts” (cry, smile, step, tooth, etc.) was finally going to be united with her child. And you could just hear the longing expectation in her voice and the hope of what was to come. The love was already there.
The lady she was with listened politely and responded as appropriately as she could…“That’s great.” But clearly she did not “get it.” Perhaps her own fears prevented her from fully sharing in the joy of it all. But it didn’t matter. The little mother-to-be with a daughter waiting in China was thrilled to share the news of her child’s birth into their family. Nothing could dampen her joy – she was beaming.
So I grabbed my coffee and rushed out of Starbucks before the tears poured. It was so unexpected. For the past few weeks I have not really allowed myself to begin connecting with the reality of a child. I’ve been fully focused on the process and the paperwork, but resisting any expectations or emotions…almost like I was hiding behind a wall to protect myself from heartbreak…just in case the whole thing fell through somehow. I guess infertility has me well-trained to not get my hopes up. The idea of an actual child – a person – a girl with a name. Wow. And it hit me. My child has a name, too.
hey Amyk! I'm praying for you and am in awe watching God work in your life like this!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you might post some things you wish other people could be more tactful/understanding with? Speaking from the other side of the fence sometimes its hard to know what to say and what not to?