Unexpected Provision

From Amy:

The other day, I received an unexpected phone call from Beth Forbus, the founder of Sarah's Laughter--Christian Support for Infertility and Child Loss (http://www.sarahs-laughter.com). But before I continue this story, allow me to introduce you to this precious person in my life. Rewind to May 2007, when Chris and I were adjusting to a major relocation from Birmingham to Baton Rouge. I was working at Sellers Maternity Ministries counseling pregnant teens and facing yet another painful Mother's Day without children of my own. While doing some online work-related research about adoption, I found an excerpt from a book called Baby Hunger. As I read it, I was intrigued by the author's Biblical approach to infertility and how brutally honest the writing was--it was so refreshing and comforting to hear from a Christian woman who had been through infertility and actually survived! So, to make a long story short, I learned that Beth's office was located about 10 miles from where we were living. Not only that, but she was willing to meet with me during my lunch breaks and provide infertility counseling to me free of charge! This was a TREMENDOUS blessing (and no coincidence) considering how desperately I needed Christian counsel/support and how expensive counseling can be! Now fast forward to September 2009...Chris and I were adjusting to another major relocation back to Birmingham. (Yes, I KNOW, we move too much!)

With excitement in her voice, Beth left a message on my voice mail urging me to return her call. Later that same afternoon she called and explained that back in May she had received an unexpected phone call from a young woman living in Omaha, Nebraska. The Nebraskan caller introduced herself and explained that she found Sarah's Laughter online along with several other Christian ministries that provide services to couples facing infertility. Of all the ministries she contacted, Beth was the only person who called her back. The caller told Beth the story of how she and several members of her church congregation had received $100 and a challenge from her pastor to participate in a "Kingdom Assignment" with two goals: 1) Help a person in need and 2) Further God's kingdom. This young lady revealed her own personal struggle with infertility and expressed her desire to assist a couple who was either actively pursuing fertility treatments or was in the process of adopting a child. She asked if Beth knew anyone in a situation like that. Beth thought of me. As the young lady continued explaining her situation, Beth was amazed at how closely her story paralleled mine...she was a former houseparent at a boys' home...I was a former houseparent at a girls' home...she worked with pregnant teens...I worked with pregnant teens...she was infertile...I was infertile...the similarities were remarkable.

So, like I said, Beth immediately thought of us, but she was not sure of our current situation. At that time (May 2009), she sent me an email to see what our situation was--whether we were pursuing treatments or adoption. (Of course, she did not mention to me the reason for her inquiry.) I informed her that Chris and I were getting ready to move and things were "on hold" temporarily until we got settled into our new home, jobs, etc. So, fast forward again to August 2009 when one day I had a strong compulsion to send Beth an email updating her about our decision to start the adoption process.

And, that brings us to back to the phone call, which culminated with Beth telling me that she had an envelope on her desk which contained 30 checks from individuals in several Midwestern states for random amounts ranging from $10-$300 and totaling $1655! Little did she know that our first adoption payment would be $1762.50 and prior to this, we had no idea where it would come from! So, Beth proceeded to tell me that numerous people whom Chris and I had never met were "pouring into our adoption" and helping to build our family!

Can I tell you how amazing it is to be a child of the kind of God who would act in such elaborate, mysterious, intricate, unexplainable, astounding ways on my behalf?!!! If, for a moment, I was anxious about the details of this adoption--where the money would come from, how complicated and unpredictable it might be...and I WAS...Or if I was wrestling with God about letting go of my personal preferences and surrendering my insecurities about the unknown possibilities of age, gender, special needs, attachment issues and behavioral problems of our potential child...and I WAS...Or if I was questioning whether or not we would have the energy, compassion, parenting abilities, patience or stamina to handle such a child(ren)...and I WAS...well, then THIS was my personal faith-building moment. It was the precise moment when God showed up and showed off in such an amazing way that only HE could get the praise for it! It was one of those moments when God speaks straight to your heart with assurance and you know profoundly that God is TRUSTWORTHY and that His ways are perfect--that He can be trusted with EVERYTHING...the little and the big things of life. He is in control no matter what happens, period. And, that is an awesome realization.

And so, to my companion in infertility--my Nebraskan Sister in Christ plus the 30 other believers who acted in obedience and chose to be an instrument of blessing to our family--we are eternally grateful, not only for the financial contribution to our adoption, but for the way your gift has encouraged our faith to grow. We really do serve a God who is able--His name is rightfully, Jehovah Jireh...the God of our provision. Always there with whatever we need in His perfect time.

The Journey

From Chris:

Amy and I are embarking on a God-inspired journey that has been over fourteen years in the making. Actually, it has been in the making since before the foundations of the earth were ever laid by our great and glorious God.

When Amy and I were married in June of 1995, it did not enter our minds that we would still be childless fourteen years later. Honestly, when we were first married, children were not on my radar screen at all. I wanted to have Amy to myself for a few years. Five years after we wed, in the year 2000, we both agreed that we were ready to start a family (Amy had been ready for at least two years before that). Little did we know that nine years later, we would still be childless. There have been many difficult questions in these nine years about God’s plans and God’s purposes for us as a family. Amy especially, has grieved greatly over our barrenness and I have struggled to know how to comfort and love her through her pain. I know that during these years, many of you have faithfully prayed that God would bless us with children. Thank you. God is faithful. He has not abandoned us and He has not forsaken us.

God is sovereign. Our barrenness did not catch Him by surprise. Satan did not “pull a fast one” on God. God has not been wringing His hands over our situation for the past nine years. God has been in complete control of our barrenness from day one.1 Amy and I believe that God has sovereignly ordained our barrenness for one purpose and one purpose only: To glorify Himself. Wait, you say; how can barrenness glorify God? While I certainly don’t presume to know all of the answers to that question, I believe that God’s purpose in all things is to glorify Himself. We may not understand all of God’s ways, but He is God and we are not. He does not do things the way that we would do them. In Isaiah 55:8-9, God says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

God has brought us to this time and place in our lives for a reason. We believe that the past years of barrenness have been preparation for the next chapter in our lives. Amy and I believe that God has a child (or perhaps more than one child) that He has prepared for us. We believe that that child has already been born into this world (or that he or she will soon be born into this world). We believe that it is no accident that God led Amy and me to go to Ukraine in May of 2006 on a mission trip with our church. On that trip, we were exposed to children living in cramped orphanages in conditions of poverty and hopelessness.

Amy and I now believe that God is leading us to adopt one or more children from the country of Ukraine. He has led us to apply through Lifeline Children’s Services, an adoption agency located here in Birmingham. We will be having an adoption home study completed within a few weeks, and hope to have a child placed in our home within 12 to 18 months. We praise God for His faithfulness to us, and for leading us in this way. We covet your prayers and support as we begin our adoption journey. More to come, later.

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1 If you have a hard time believing that God is sovereign over barrenness, I challenge you to look up all the scripture references in the Bible relating to barrenness. Notice how many times it refers to the LORD being the one who opens or closes the womb of the barren. I am not convinced that barrenness in and of itself is an evil thing. However, even if you make the argument that barrenness is evil in and of itself, and that Satan is the direct cause of barrenness in some or all situations, and that God merely allows it, you still must realize that Satan is on a leash (see Job 1 and 2). Satan is merely a pawn in the hands of the Almighty God. Ultimately, God uses Satan to accomplish His own sovereign purposes. (Notice how in both Job 1 and Job 2, God is the one who initiates the conversation with Satan about Job. God is omniscient and He knew exactly what Satan would say in response to His questions about Job. God used Satan to accomplish His own purposes in and through Job’s life.)

The Gift of Infertility

From Amy:

My heart is full and my mind is not sure where to begin. The beginning seems the best place, but overwhelming since it was over 14 years ago that our story began. Actually, to be more precise, the dream of a family began in early childhood when as all (or at least most) little girls I made plans to grow up, get married, build a house and have 2-4 children with a station wagon, a white picket fence, a dog--you know, "the works"--the American Dream. It is the way things are "supposed to be," right?...or at least that is what I used to believe.

I was only 18 when I met my future husband--the man who would become my best friend, lover and companion through infertility...but I am getting ahead of myself. Chris and I married during college and began the adventure of leaving and cleaving and starting a family. However, things did not go according to plan (MY plan, that is), which was to finish college (check), complete graduate school (check), start a career (check), buy a home (check) and get pregnant (nope) within 3-5 years. Everything went according to plan except the pregnancy part. For one thing, my precious husband was not as motivated toward parenthood as I was. During our first year of marriage, I worked at a daycare and the maternal instinct kicked in full-force. Waiting for our agreed timetable (at least 3 years) was a daily struggle, which seems humorous now. If only I had known what lay ahead...thankfully, I did not.

In 2000, we started--what the infertility community refers to as TTC--trying to conceive. We had been married for 5 (long) years and I (daily) made sure Chris remembered our agreement (OUR PLAN) and the timetable we had set. So, he reluctantly agreed to start the process of "starting a family." As if it were all in our hands...It is actually pretty amazing/conceited to think that I actually believed it was something we could control...that we could just "create life" or bring a human being into the world by our own actions, will, plan, etc.!

And, so the struggle began. The struggle to create life. The struggle to fulfill my own selfish dreams. The struggle to maintain my sanity. The struggle to control my life. The struggle to make God in my own image. And, ultimately, the struggle wandering through the personal wilderness I refer to as "my decade-long crisis of belief." The worst part of infertility was feeling utterly alone, misunderstood and out of control (emotionally and physically). And, it is not that I was actually alone. I had a supportive network of family, friends and a great husband. But, the pain of barrenness is a wound indescribable, unbearable and misunderstood by many (or so it seems to the one experiencing it). To tell the whole story would be more than this blog allows, although I hope to share portions of it in future entries in case it may be helpful to someone else on the journey. But, for now, let it suffice to say that infertility has been simulaneously the toughest and the most precious experience of my life. It is the gift that lead us to the blessing of adoption.

And, so begins the next part of our journey... Because of God's great mercy and in His perfect sovereignty, He alone has conceived in our hearts the desire for adoption. These words bring fresh tears because I realize that only God could birth this desire in me. It was through the heartbreak of infertility that God has proven Himself thoroughly Trustworthy, perfectly Faithful, immensely Present and supremely Loving in my life. I have experienced more of Him because of the trial of infertililty than I would have ever experienced without it. And, so I can FINALLY thank Him for infertility. And, though I do not understand His ways, I would not trade it for the world.